My inner thoughts of being a mom of a preemie in the NICU

The last two weeks have seemed like two months or two years. Never in a million years did I expect to be a parent walking into the NICU several times a day to see my two pound baby girl! So many emotions, thoughts, feelings, and heart aches rush through your mind and body. I look back at each day starting from the day I thought I was in labor to now! It feels like one big whirl wind that swept Jack and I off our feet and we are still both trying to catch our breath. Looking back at each event and how everything played out, I know everything happened the way it was supposed too. I thank my lucky stars that the life flight crew got me to IMC and the doctors for identifying my infection and saving the life of my baby and me!  I am go grateful that the NICU team was waitng and ready for the second Jaycee was born to save her life and give her what she needed the second she was born. I am still wondering where my strength has come from just to have gotton this far. I know one thing for sure and that is all the many prayers that have been sent our way has alot to do with keeping me strong and taking another step forward each day.  Jack and I feel so blessed to have so many family members and wonderful friends that have kept us in there prayers and have offered to help out in any way that they can. We both are still trying to figure this new way of life out and our best strategy thus far is to take one day at a time and to enjoy every moment we have with our baby girl. Today has been one of my sadder days when I feel those feelings of guilt, resentment, picked on, and down right sad that my baby isn't home with me in my arms cuddling her to sleep. Luckily when I feel this way I have a husband that will help me cry through it all and get past it and then I just drop to my knees and pray my little heart out. It always helps for me to go see Jaycee and just do the little things like change her diaper, take her temperature, or put a new bow in her hair. That brings joy to my heart and usually gets me through the night until I can wake up and go see her again! Being the control freak I am I know I need to give all of this to God and let him help me, Jack and Jaycee get through it. This all is just another great reminder to me how Precious family, friends and loved ones are in life, and how we should never take the simple things in life for granted. I will close by saying once again how much I love little Jaycee and how I can't wait to see her in the morning!